OKOK. I don't give up. I change my mind. LOL

So.. after much self reflecting.. and going through all your super supportive comments.. I've taken.. a bag of chips and wanked them on my head a billion times. I think my head is back to normal now. hehehe.

THE DIET WILL CONTINUE!!!!!!!! wooo. Except.. not yet.. I'll be starting again next Monday. OHHHH boy oh boy.. it'll be ugly getting on that scale. LOL. i'm too scared to step on it.. because yes.. I've been indulging myself in eating whatever the past few days.. not too much enjoying everything I'm eating.. but just eating.. what my super budget can afford. The one thing about dieting= EXPENSIVE.
All the fresh fruit. and veggies. and protein... anything HEALTHY is expensive. which is why i'm waiting cause.. my boyfriend and I are getting rid of some bills right now.

OKKKKK.. soooo.. let's get onnnnnnnn to the makeup cause.. I've done several looks this week. I also did a Rissrose2 look =) cause she's friggin awesome. I LOVEEEEE recreating makeup guru looks.. they're so fun to do.. ESPECIALLY because it's challenging.. It definitely isn't easy.. not having a crease.. and trying to replicate a look that a person with a crease can pull off.. but that's what is SUPER FUN ABOUT IT!! I call bullshit.. on the makeup artists that tell.. monolid asians.. that there are only one or two methods in applying EYESHADOw.. and I CALL BULLSHIT on alllllllllll the makeup books that try to teach asian makeup.. because based on what I've researched the past few weeks.. they're NO HELP AT ALL!!! LOL. (I went to borders.. and sat for 4 hours reading every makeup book there.. I even took my digi cam and took HORRIBLE pictures of what pros call good makeup on asian eyes -__-- ) LOL but that is another day =)

A NOTE WHEN VIEWING MY PICTURES: You can right click and click on view image to look at full sized photos
K.. So first.. here's the classic smokey eye.. that I wore in my Youtube video



[What I used]
FACE:
-MAC's Face & Body Foundation (C4)
-NYC Loose Translucent Powder

EYES:
-Too faced shadow insurance (primer)
-NYX e/s in Taupe (above the crease, light creamy brown color)
-NYX e/s in Star (light grey crease & slightly above the crease)
-NYX e/s in Alaska (med-dark grey from lashline to crease)
-NYX e/s in Black (lashline to 1/2 to crease)
-MAC paint pot in Blackground (NYC creme shadow in ONYX DUPE)
-JANE creme/gel liner
-Loreal liquid liner
-NYX doll eyed mascara in long lash

CHEEKS:
(NO blush) nudy cheeks
-MAC sculpt & shape in Warm Definitive (contour)
-NYC Face Glow (it's like a MAC mineralized skin finish- I use it like a highlight)

LIPS:
-NYX black label lipstick in Beige
-MAC's lustreglass in Instant Gold


The RissRose2 (green bandana i took it from her tropical look) Look






[What I used]
FACE:
-MAC's Face & Body Foundation (C4)
-NYC Loose Translucent Powder

EYES:
-Too faced shadow insurance (primer)
-Jane creme shadow in ONYX (black)
-NYX e/s in Mermaid Green (lashline to crease)
-MAc e/s in Texture (crease & above)
-NYX e/s in Highlight (highlight)
-NYX doll eyed mascara in long lash

CHEEKS:
-NYX powder blush in peachy
-MAC sculpt & shape in Warm Definitive (contour)
-NYC Face Glow (it's like a MAC mineralized skin finish- I use it like a highlight)

LIPS:
-Estee Lauder lipstick in Crystal Baby
-MAC's lustreglass in Instant Gold







[What I used]
FACE:
-MAC's Face & Body Foundation (C4)
-NYC Loose Translucent Powder

EYES:
-Too faced shadow insurance (primer)
-MAC e/s in Sushi Flower (above the crease)
-MAC e/s in Passionate (directly in the crease)
-MAc e/s in Signed & Sealed (lashline to the crease)
-MAC e/s in Stars N Rockets(Iris of the eyes)
-MAC e/s in Shroom (highlight)

CHEEKS:
-NYX powder blush in peachy
-MAC sculpt & shape in Warm Definitive (contour)
-NYC Face Glow (it's like a MAC mineralized skin finish- I use it like a highlight)

LIPS:
-Estee Lauder lipstick in Crystal Baby
-MAC's lustreglass in Instant Gold




[What I used]
FACE:
-MAC's Face & Body Foundation (C4)
-NYC Loose Translucent Powder

EYES:
-Too faced shadow insurance (primer)
-Jane creme shadow in ONYX (its just like MAC's paint pot in blackground)
-MAC e/s in Shadowy Lady (from lashline to slightly above the crease)
-MAc e/s in Deep Truth (Iris of my eyes)
-NYX e/s in Highlight (highlight)

CHEEKS:
-MAC sculpt & shape in Warm Definitive (contour & blush)
-NYC Face Glow (it's like a MAC mineralized skin finish- I use it like a highlight)

LIPS:
-Estee Lauder lipstick in Crystal Baby
or
-NYX black label lipstick in Beige
-NYX megashine gloss in Frosted Beige



Alrighty.. So... that's it for my looks =). I'm nervous!! Tomorrow.. I'll be getting paid to do my first makeup gig. CRAZYYYYYYY HUH!!!! I have no idea.. what i was thinking taking the job.. lol but we'll see.. =_=.

Oh yeah.. here's the pictures from downtown when Judy & I went clubbing =)



K. before i end my post. Just wanted to say thanks.. again.. for all of you who read up on me.. and can relate to me! I know.. i can be.. so..... happy one second.. and the next sad.. lol.. my blogs are so.. not.. steady =___________=. BUTTTTTtt everyday is a new day right =) love you ladies <3

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HELL over one week.

Hey everyone~
It's been a few days.. or.. a week? I've been MIA.. I know.. So many random things have happened over the last couple days..

Here goes..
THE GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED:
-went up to Santa Ana to discuss my future at the Culinary Institute (My heart is set on this school!!)
-spent some good time with my baby nephew
-MET JUdyy.. (ItsJudyTime) from youtube.. We went clubbing in downtown =) She's a super hottie!!!!!!! and she's got CURVESSSSSSS!! We both got wayyyyyyyy too faded..
-Went to the Haunted HOtel in Downtown.. it was the BESTTTTTTTTTTTT haunted kind of entertainment thingy to do!!!!! Super scary!!
-Had a long good talk with my mom.. she's so supportive!
-Made up with my boyfriend (you'll see on the bad things that happened)

K so that somes up the goOOOOOOD.


The HORRIBLE THINGS THAT HAPPENED:
-My car broke down on the way back down from Santa Ana.
-My car got towed to the nearest shop ($75.00), and was diagnosed WRONG ($50.00), was stuck in Encinitas.. until my boyfriend came.. which made him miss a very important day in class..
-Because the diagnosis was wrong.. we ended up buying the wrong parts.. for the car.. ($500.00)
-Got another diagnosis from ANOTHER shop.. and well.. my engine is screwed. (it's going to cost between $1500-$2000).
-Having no car.. I haven't been able to work out.. and I haven't been able to eat right.. with my car financial stress.. UGH. = GAIN WEIGHT
-Brother & family lash out at me.. about my car. They make me feel like shit.. by rubbing it in my face... saying how because they're helping me out.. they're sacrificing soooooooo much. -__________-;
-My car problems.. and the $$ situation brings drama into the family.
-Gain weight + my car problems + my bank account being effed + my family drama= the start of a VERY depressing weekend.
-Back and forth I drove to encinitas the whole weekend (45 miles from my house).. to find a solution.. no solution yet.
-My brother and I got in a huge effing fight.. over my car. bad. bad. bad. I broke out screaming and crying so hard.. that i was quivering.. and him.. well.. if you guys know Koreans.. we've got the worst tempers ever.. he pretty much reached his peak. His hands were fisted lets just say.
-Saturday night the boyfriend wants to go out.. I feel like shit.. i look like shit.. i feel fat as shit.. im broke as shit.. PLUSSSSSSSSss the whole week my boyfriend was really antsy.. he ALSO kept lashing out on me. I didn't want to go out.. and see anyone.. nor talk to anyone.. or DO anything.. because I was on the verge of wanting to lock myself in my closet.
-That was the beginning of the worst fight that my boyfriend and I have ever been in.
-Drama. drama. drama. Finally.. we both spill.. and I find out some really... shocking things from him.
-Bottom line: I'm a selfish. unthankful. very very very BAD BAD BAD girlfriend.
He deserves so much more. He works so hard. Can't say much more.. cause it's private.. but.. I realize that.. weight... and looking good.. and makeup.. all of this beauty stuff.. that i've been obsessing over the past few months.. needs to STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It really does. In this life of mine.. all I can do is think about myself.. really.. that's the bottom line.. I always.. think just about myself.. how I feel ugly.. how I feel fat.. how I can't afford this.. how I can't afford that.. how i feel like crap.. how I wish this.. wish that..

It needs to stop.

While I'm spending my money on alllllllllll these worthless things.. my boyfriend is working his ass off.. and getting hardly any sleep.. to make a future for the both of us.. Ridiculous. Pathetic. Really.
PLUSSSSSS the economy is CRAP!!!!!! Financially.. our family.. is in a financial crisis... my ridiculous useless habits... are really pathetic.

Time to straighten up.

The solution?
-I'm completely on a shopping strike. NO makeup. NO clothes. NO NOTHING!!(so far so good)
-My cards have been stashed away.. = no more spending at all.
-Money.. I'm going to work my ass off the next few months.. and get rid of all my bills.
-Diet? It's on a hold. Eff being skinny right now.. If my boyfriend has to sacrifice.. time.. and money.. and sleep.. and all this other stuff.. just to fulfill my self esteem.. it's CRAP. I'll work out & diet when my life is stable.
-Makeup? I'm not quiting it =). I LOVE makeup.. it's become.. a hobby of mine.. I'm more interested with what I can do with my makeup.. then buying more makeup. I'm over my shopping obsession. OOOOOOOOoo (I got a call today.. from a random girl.. asking me to do her makeup? WHOA!!!!! First makeup JOB?!!?! Crazy huh!I'll be doing it on Friday)

K.. so there's everything in a nutshell.. I have lots of random pictures.. and videos for you guys.. but.. i'm just... really tied up.. Hope you guys can bear with me.

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Weighhh INNnnn

Alrighty.. the momentttt once again!
RECAP
Sept 29= 167.6 lbs. (failure week. no diet. no exercise. had no membership. nada nada)
Oct 6= 169 lbs. JEEEEEEEEz! Depressing week. GOOD DIET + GOOD exercise = NO WEIGHT LOSS. only.. WEIGHT GAIN! BOOOOOOOO!
Oct 13= 165 lbs. WOOOOOOOOoo! that gives me a -4... yayy!!
Oct 20= 163.2 lbs. -1.8. ROFL.. it's not that much.. but it's something right =)

Total Weight Loss to date: 5.8 lbs.

On a good note. I'm content. I lost a few inches throughout my whole body.. which is good right? I'm taking it slowwwwww.. and.. PATIENCE!!
My main goal right now.. learn to be PATIENT! Lol.

Anywhooo that's for the weight update..
As far as.. makeup looks. boOOOOOOOOOOoo. I've been soooooo lazy with the videos lately.. I'm not really getting inspired by much.. and it takes soo much to make these videos and edit them.. and post them.. but yeah.. my looks the past few days.. have been pretty Mellowwwwwww JELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
I did a bridal Look & a subtle pink & brown look..

I'll post up the pictures soon..
but for now.. I'll be back in about 2 hours.. my boyfriends snoring his butt off.. he just got home.. and in less than 5 minutes.. he has passed out.. we're supppose to hit the gym. LOL. right. so yeah. i'm gonna wake his butt up and we're gonna go work out.. so.. BRBBIZZZLEEEEEEEe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 =]

in the meanwhile.. here's my videos for today =)

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Everyday is a new day

Last night.. after I blogged... I went in the room.. and laid down next to Bong.. and I had the most... amazing talk with him. I truely am the most luckiest girl. He's such an amazing guy.. he loves me so much. Without any words.. in the dark he just held me.. and he knew.. he knew I was broken.. and held me even harder.. then he looked at me.. and began to speak to me things that I never believed a guy would ever say to me. Everything he said to me.. was so.. full of unconditional love.. I wish you guys could've been there to hear what he said..

anyway.. to all of you ladies out there.. that don't think you'll ever find your dream guy.. just wait. be patient. don't settle down for anything less than your worth! He's out there.. looking for you.. waiting for you.. and once you find him.. it'll be a God-sent blessing. I believe in God. I believe that he listens to me.. and hurts and when I hurt.. and I believe that he sent me him.. him.. who comforts me.. and cherishes me.. and puts me on a pedal stool.. respecting me.. and everything I love. No words can express the gratitude I feel for the relationship that I have.

I use to make excuses to myself before.. in my past relationships.. saying this is all I deserve. This guy does the things he does.. to me because this is all I can have. I use to bash myself thinking I wouldn't ever find anyone else. Thinking that I'd be stuck with who I'm with for the rest of my life. But I was wrong... and you know.. I don't regret the crap that I went through.. because if I didn't go through it.. I would've never learned.. never gotten stronger.. never have expectations.. each relationship in my past taught me something new. Something amazing.
Pain.. it's just a learning process.

It's sooooooo funny.. cause my parents are actually content with Bong.. which is a FIRST.. but you know what my mom said to me? LOL.. in Korean.. she's like.. "you know.. I know Bong is chah-kae (good intentional & good hearted).. and he's smart.. and he treats you well.. but... BUTTTTT... why does he have to be so ugly".
AHHHHHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAha. I busted out laughing so hard.. You know.. in my eyes.. I don't see anything but perfection.. he has pimples.. and his farts stink.. and he has a WEIRDDDDDDDDDDDDDD fetish for smells.. like.. LOL.. he ALWAYSSSSSs smells my arm pits.. and even my toes.. and it's disgusting.. but AHHHAHAHAHHA... i love it. I love who he is.. I LOVEEEEEEe that.. he loves my imperfections.. I really really really don't see anything but love. Who would've ever thought. I use to dream of Justin Timberlake being my husband one day.. LOLLLLLLLL.. not some.. filipino.. bald headed.. monkey butt.. who talks to himself while he takes a crap.. and smells his own feet. AHHAHAHAHHahhhahahahahhahaha.

AHahaha.

Ok anyway..... big post. I have lots of pictures and random stuff to catch up with you guys.. from the last week. =)

First things first.. Here's the looks I wore.. the last 2 days.. I've been practicing doing makeup the same way the MAC artist did on me.. just to get more comfortable with it =)

This is pretty much the same look as the last one with the NYX except I used a purple instead.. it ended up looking pretty much the same


and the look I did today...
I used MAC's Humid instead of the Contrast...
a color you can use as a dupe= NYX mermaid green =)





k.. so.. yesterday..
this donkey of a teenager.. was playing with a lighter.. and got his house on fire.. -_- and it was right behind my house..
the view from my window




MOREEEEEEe makeup stuff.. I went to sephora like.. 4 days ago or so.. and I picked up that special edition thingy.. from sephora =).. It was $48.00? The payoff is pretty gooooood.. I like it =) supposely.. the sales girl told me.. that the company they used to make the whole.. collection.. used better quality ingredients than Sephoras signature stuff.. Don't know if that's true.. but anyway =)






oKKKKKKk sooooooo.. Today I also went to Nordstrom rack with my mamma.. and we were just.. trying on some clothes.. I tried on my first pair of designer.. stuff..
True Religion skirt? I like it!! Except.. IT'S FRIGGIN OVER $100.00!!!!!!!!!! RETAIL was like.. $3XX.00!! Jeez. must be nice for those that can afford this stuff.. HAHAHAHA..

That.. top I'm wearing!! IS SUPERRRRRRR cute! I bought it for like.. $16. and a few cents.. I usually wear an XL. YUPPPPP.. my gut is no joke.. but.. I bought it in a Large instead cause that's my goal.. FIT INTO IT.. LOL. That's my way of getting myself to be more determined!!!!! Can't wait till i lose enough weight for it to fit nicely!!!! Don't be fooled by my legs.. LOL.. my legs are rather thin.. and so are my arms.. but.. my gut= OOMPA LOOOOOOOOOOMPAAAAA baby! hahaha.

Since we're on this topic.. let me just show you guys what i looked like in san jose.. are you ready?!? Cause.. this is humiliating to the x power. Why oh why do I want to show you guys? Cause I never want to look like this again. ever. I was approx. between 193-200 lbs here.




crazy huh? Yeah..

I think I'm donesky for today =). I'm gonna hit the gym before I go home.. cause I'm in BOng's garage once again.. hanging out.. with a few of his friends. Sooooooooooo.. I will talk to you guys soon =).
Thanks for dealing with me<3

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