my life as it is.. i.m.perfect

Sunday, November 6, 2011

finding the balance..

Hey loves,
First I want to start off by saying thanks for all the advise and encouraging words :]. They truly are helpful and the fact that there's people listening (or reading) my random rants make me feel a whole lot better.

Ready for part 2?
Bare with me girls..
Since my last post, things have gotten worst. I'm definitely in pursuit of trying to change some things in my life. I was hoping that things would get better.... unfortunately this week ended up a complete ship wreck.

To be honest, I feel torn and broken. Why is it that I can't find peace? This week there was someone key in my life that said some really disgustingly hurtful words.. words that will never be forgotten. The situation at that moment has played in my head over and over and over and over... and now I can neither face or speak to the person...
The whole situation was just out of control. If you guys would've been there.. you'd probably have crapped your pants... lol..

Butttt worrry not!!! BEcauseeeee I'm okay now :]. Through the midst of all the crap I've been going through I am beginning to find some comfort in my faith..

Here's a question, is it odd to you girls that I'm so open with my life? Because it's not to me. There are people that I know that think I'm crazy for sharing so much about me but I feel that if I can help anyone learn from my experiences and save them the situations and circumstances that I went through.. why the heck not?

Anyway, the bf left for NY on Friday. He'll be there for 9 days.. which I thought wouldn't be a big deal because it isn't... BUTTTTTT drum role.. wth... I'm like.. lifeless without him here?

One word= Pathetic.

Seriously, yesterday I went to the gym... then came home, cleaned my room, did my laundry... and uh.. yeah.. did nothing else for the rest of the day ( except watch a bajillion episodes of... vampire diaries, grey's anatomy, private practice and some random alien show.. )

What's worst? My best friend just left to Europe for 2 weeks.
Great. SUPERB. AWEeesomee >.<

lol. ::sigh::

This pathetic version of Jinah needs to stop!!!!!!
Here's what it alllllll comes down tooooooo!

I need to..
-get out more
-get a life
-rediscover my passions
-get healthier
-love myself more
-acknowledge that his love is the only love that really matters
-respect myself
-gain more confidence
-stop doubting myself
-live life
-stop worrying about everyone around me
-stop stressing
-quit smoking

On a good note there is one thing that is happening to me :]
I'm losing weight..

2 1/2 weeks= -10 lbs.

Interestingly I'm trying... and not trying..
I didn't start a few weeks ago thinking i'm going on a diet yadadada..
I just.. randomly... started going to the gym a few days a week with the bf..
then I naturally started eating a little lighter than normal..
and rather than cutting out all the foods I like.. I'm just.. eating half the amount that I normally eat WITHOUT making such a big deal out of it.
I'm not counting calories, or doing weight watchers points...
but I'm trying to avoid situations where I do mindless eating..

I don't know if it's the stress of everything that's happening.. or if I've just reached an epiphany.. but the weight is kind of shedding a lot easier than my previously forced attempts.

Anyway, I'm going to pursue this.. thing I'm doing lol.. not so much of a diet..
I'm ok with going to the gym only 3 times a week as long as I go at all..
and I'm ok with eating whatever as long as I don't obsessively devour it... lol. <--weirdo I know

Ok that's it for today..
Signing out,
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