my life as it is.. i.m.perfect

Sunday, November 6, 2011

finding the balance..

Hey loves,
First I want to start off by saying thanks for all the advise and encouraging words :]. They truly are helpful and the fact that there's people listening (or reading) my random rants make me feel a whole lot better.

Ready for part 2?
Bare with me girls..
Since my last post, things have gotten worst. I'm definitely in pursuit of trying to change some things in my life. I was hoping that things would get better.... unfortunately this week ended up a complete ship wreck.

To be honest, I feel torn and broken. Why is it that I can't find peace? This week there was someone key in my life that said some really disgustingly hurtful words.. words that will never be forgotten. The situation at that moment has played in my head over and over and over and over... and now I can neither face or speak to the person...
The whole situation was just out of control. If you guys would've been there.. you'd probably have crapped your pants... lol..

Butttt worrry not!!! BEcauseeeee I'm okay now :]. Through the midst of all the crap I've been going through I am beginning to find some comfort in my faith..

Here's a question, is it odd to you girls that I'm so open with my life? Because it's not to me. There are people that I know that think I'm crazy for sharing so much about me but I feel that if I can help anyone learn from my experiences and save them the situations and circumstances that I went through.. why the heck not?

Anyway, the bf left for NY on Friday. He'll be there for 9 days.. which I thought wouldn't be a big deal because it isn't... BUTTTTTT drum role.. wth... I'm like.. lifeless without him here?

One word= Pathetic.

Seriously, yesterday I went to the gym... then came home, cleaned my room, did my laundry... and uh.. yeah.. did nothing else for the rest of the day ( except watch a bajillion episodes of... vampire diaries, grey's anatomy, private practice and some random alien show.. )

What's worst? My best friend just left to Europe for 2 weeks.
Great. SUPERB. AWEeesomee >.<

lol. ::sigh::

This pathetic version of Jinah needs to stop!!!!!!
Here's what it alllllll comes down tooooooo!

I need to..
-get out more
-get a life
-rediscover my passions
-get healthier
-love myself more
-acknowledge that his love is the only love that really matters
-respect myself
-gain more confidence
-stop doubting myself
-live life
-stop worrying about everyone around me
-stop stressing
-quit smoking

On a good note there is one thing that is happening to me :]
I'm losing weight..

2 1/2 weeks= -10 lbs.

Interestingly I'm trying... and not trying..
I didn't start a few weeks ago thinking i'm going on a diet yadadada..
I just.. randomly... started going to the gym a few days a week with the bf..
then I naturally started eating a little lighter than normal..
and rather than cutting out all the foods I like.. I'm just.. eating half the amount that I normally eat WITHOUT making such a big deal out of it.
I'm not counting calories, or doing weight watchers points...
but I'm trying to avoid situations where I do mindless eating..

I don't know if it's the stress of everything that's happening.. or if I've just reached an epiphany.. but the weight is kind of shedding a lot easier than my previously forced attempts.

Anyway, I'm going to pursue this.. thing I'm doing lol.. not so much of a diet..
I'm ok with going to the gym only 3 times a week as long as I go at all..
and I'm ok with eating whatever as long as I don't obsessively devour it... lol. <--weirdo I know

Ok that's it for today..
Signing out,


xoladiihoneyxo said...

I don't know who said awful things to you but dear, sometimes, it may have came out wrong.. I don't know the situation to really say. nvm -___-'

Learn how to depend on your own happiness! You probably just miss him 'cause he was around a lot but thats okay dear... that means you have other things to do in life or... well, catch up. call up a friend to go eat or something or work out together... try different recipes? create something new! do something to the house????

vivalaivy said...

hope things are better! :) been a long time reader but only commenting now. glad to hear about your gradual change in lifestyle (gym & eating habits) is helping you to lose weight - sounds healthy & inspiring, i should do something to alter my eating habit as well...
take care.

shannnybannny said...

Hey girl! I don't think you share too much info, I think it shows that not everyone is perfect, and everyone faces struggles in life. I felt the same way you did for a while... I felt lost and confused and even tho I have an amazing husband and wonderful family, I just wasn't.... me. I made myself realize that my life could be so much more and that I needed to be thankful for the amazing things that ARE in my life. AI also realized the weight thing... you can't force it so hard, you just have to slowly let your body adjust to a new style of eating/exercising and not think about it so much.

Anyway - thanks for posting because I love hearing what you have to say. You show that everyone has struggles, but life is so worth the holes we have to dig through.

Love - Shannon

winterxj9 said...

Gosh I've missed you. I think its great that you put yourself out there to us. I feel like you are the encouragement that young adults need, You help me I know that. I don't know who said what to you, but i know that if its anyone that can bounce back its you. I'm glad that you are still pushing and not forcing the diet. You are a beautiful woman and have such a lovely soul Jinah. <3

Anonymous said...

I'd like to meet you one day! And hopefully, get advice from you one-on-one. =]<33

miss said...

babygirl, you are NOT pathetic! you have NEVER been, and don't even think that way! you're a lover. AND a fighter. and that's why i love youuuu <3 bia bia. we can chat this weekend as you lapse on cigarettes. cos baby, i gotta quit soon too.. at least for a cpl months.. and missy is NOT lookin forward to it! xoxo ^_^

miss said...

^not looking to quitting, lmao. i AM super excited to see my korean ricecake o_O bhahaha

Anonymous said...

Missed you on blogspot and youtube. You're a fighter since one day. I hope you will blog more often.

Anonymous said...

I find myself checking up on your channel every so often because I miss you. I've never met you before but I do! Isn't that strange? Just know so many people view you as a role model. It is easy to dismiss other people's compliments because sometimes we are so harsh on ourselves, but please know from the bottom of my heart that people you don't even know are silently rooting for you! You can do it!

Tina said...

I hope you are doing well. I miss you and your blog updates! :( I would love to see an update with pictures etc..

Anonymous said...

It's nice to know I'm not the only one goes through horrible, terrible downtimes. You're a huge inspiration to me, odd as that may seem seeing as we've never met in any shape or form. But I love reading your blog :) Hope things are going better for you right now! Keep up the fighting spirit :D -Jenn

Andrea said...

i'm glad you're opening up! it's good to get things off your chest!

i wish you good luck for all the things that you want to do. just remember to think positively even though things around you may be bad, and especially when you're feeling lazy, just ignore it and do what you know is good for you! :)


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