my life as it is.. i.m.perfect

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

totally want to stay in my room forever.

Compared to yesterday.
today has been ultimately one of the shittiest days ever.

1.) I completely bombed my Gastronomy test. Yes. bombed. I got 8 out of 15. =(. BUT it didn't hit me till way later. On my test my professor wrote come see me during office hours. Ok... so i decide to see her after my food safety class..

So.. I was in my food safety class... everything was fine.. i took my food safety test today and got a 85%.. ehh. a B. not bad.. . then we went on break for 5 minutes. I go to the bathroom and see spots. Great. I frigging started my period AGAIN. that makes it TWICE this month. LOVELY. I don't ever get irregular periods.. so i'm freaking out.. just cause.. i don't have a pad or a tampon with me.. and I'm in business attire clothes.. so I'm worried.. cause i don't have anything to cover up.. or what not.. so i just use toilet paper.. and walk to class all funky.. I sit down.. class starts again.. and all i can feel is leakking..... i pull out my phone.. and text my girlfriend to see if she has any pads.. and if she can meet me with it right after class.. in the midst of the text.. my asshole of a professor calls me out. He goes.. "Esther! are you TEXTING in my class?!!?" instinctively cause i'm freaking out I lie. NO. he says.. "stand up" great.... so i do.. and of course my phone falls... but that's not the worst.

He starts asking me question after question.. and starts asking me every question about our lecture for the next 15 minutes. I'm totally losing my head.. so i answer EVERY question WRONG. NO SHIT!!!!!!!1 all i could think about was.. fuck.. i have stains. fuck. i'm leaking. fuck.

great. so then he decides to laugh at me the whole time in class.. while i answer every question wrong.. then gives me the.. you're stupid look... THEN he says.. come sit in the front right in front of me every day now.

great. so you'd think it's over with right? no.
On the way out of class he decides to humiliate me more by making fun of me.. and my texting.. and my stupidity.

I shake it off.. and i walk to my professors office to talk to her about my grade for gastronomy.. and bam.. there he is. to the side.. my food safety professor is in the same room.. i'm humiliated.. and the reality of FAILING a test has finally hit me.
so i start crying. i try to stop. i hide my face. but i freaking can't stop. for the freaking love of crap. I COULDN'T STOP CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
embarrassing. humiliating.


thennnn there's a line of my classmates outside waiting to talk to her also.. and on the way out everyone just stares at me..

then i still can't stop crying.. cause my hormones are going NUTS!~!!!!

so now i'm in my room.
and i don't want to leave it.
i feel like an idiot.

I studied so hard for my gastronomy test. that's all i've been doing. studying. studying. studying.

just wanted to vent.
i'll be back tomorrow in a better mood =(

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Monday, March 30, 2009

I LOVE ME SOME MEL! (LaBelleMel31)

LOOKKKKKKKKKkk what i got in the MAIL TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok.. so this is how it happened...
i woke up today thinking..
oh lovely.. another poopy monday.. =( Poopy because 1.) i was hungry as heck... i woke up late and missed breakfast... 2.) because it was raininginging.... and 3.) because.. well.. it's monday.. and monday's are POOPY days! butttttttttttt after class i walked over to the mailroom where i got a SUPER PACKAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! from mel of course..
oh man!! i was soooooooooooooooooooooo excited that i ran with the package back to my dorm.. and ripped it open LOL. (looked like a total goober doing it)

i almost cried!!!!!!!! because.. it's so sweet!!! I didn't really think anyone would send me anything.. holy molyyy.. yeah.. speechless... it's the bestestestesteset... ESTESTESTEST gift ever!! better than any of my bday gifts ever. i haven't even gotten a gift in forEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so to mel:
thank you sooooooooooooo much! it sounds real cheesy.. but i really do feel like it's christmas.. again.. like when i was 5. *BTW i'm totally tearing up these melty blends. i just ate 6. in like 3 minutes. ROFL. they're sooooooooooooo gooooooooooood!!! i think there's crack in it!! LOL!!!

*sigh =) such a wonderful day. yes indeed!!!!

OKKKKKKKk so i want to write you a letter soooooooo let me know if it's okay to send you a letter back to the address you sent the package with? <3<3<3

With that said..

SCHOOL= hard. and fabulous. =). It's so hard... but.. bottom line.. i'm enjoying every minute of it.. the challenge of having to work to earn even a C or B.. is great. I'm learning soooooooo much right now.. more than i've ever learned! I can practically name every piece of produce in the super market now =). SPECIFIC names and all!! like... Jeruselem Artichokes.. or.. Boston Butterhead lettuce.. or like.. Mustard Greens! YUMMMM. I can tell if they're mature enough.. or if they're the right condition to eat.. like for example.. did you guys know that PINEAPPLES don't get any riper by sitting out? It's best to eat them ASAP. They don't ripen after they're harvested! and the best pineapples.. are the ones that DOOO have green still on them.. =)

or like.. when we're sick.. it's not our taste buds that are dead that prevent us from tasting foods.. it's our olefactory system (which is pretty much your nasal area). It's your nose that prevents you from tasting different flavors..

So.. try this the next time you eat!! Hold/Plug your nose.. and taste.. like.. a piece of candy... you'll be able to taste bitter.. sweet... salty or sour... but that's it.. You won't be able to tell what flavor the candy is.. then afterwards... let your hand go.. and breath in while you eat the candy.. BAM!!!!!!! burst of flavor!! it's amazing! Food critics do it all the time.. Like.. Wine for example.. when you take a sip of wine.. you want to kind of slurp it in.. cause the more oxygen you bring in with the wine the more you'll be able to breath in the aroma... which helps you get the flavor more!!

=) Yes.. and chomp loud while you eat.. when you're tasting and breath in and slurp in.. it really does help.. (don't do it when you're enjoying your food though LOL) just do it when you want to really pay attention to the taste & flavor.

there's a glimpse of what i do on a daily basis LOl.

BTW. i went to the city this weekend and met.. TIFFANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES. TIFFANY! Eyecon1218.
We had coffee and.. ice cream.. and calamari together =).. and of course.. we had a blast. She's super hot.. and soooooo sweet =).
I'm definitely going back!!!! i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed it in the city!!
It's seriously.. WOW! took my breath away.
I swear it felt like a dream. Every corner there's someone amazing doing something amazing.. I LOVE IT!!!!

Ok well i gotta jet for class but.. i'll tell you guys more soon!!
I'll be making videos reallllllllllll soooooooooooon so stay in touch!!
I miss you ladies lots!!

and THANKS AGAIN MEL!!!!!!!!!!! <3<3

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

i love you!!!!!!!


You ladies are my sunshine!! (there's no sunshine here in NY only colddddddddddd rainnn)
Sooooooooo anywhOOOOOOOOo I finally have my address information :). For those of you who want it to send me letters & goodies email me!! I will most def. send it to you through there =)

Yay!!! =] For all letters & goodies I get (if i get any) I'm def. going to be posting it up here on my blogspot.. =)
Thank you thank you for all your concerns & wishes & all the love!!

Ok so here's the update. This is week 2 of school.. and things are DEF. turning up!!

i've made a few friends that i absolutely adore. No names cause i don't want to put them on the spot but just about two girls.. and two guys =) We're planning to go to the city in about 2-3 weeks! YAYYY extremely excited!
-starting to pick up a routine in school.. with this hellish schedule of mine
-starting to EAT!! and on a very positive note.. i'm LOSING WEIGHT!!! I'm not sure exactly how much i've lost.. but I know i've lost atleast 2-3 inches on my waist. LOL everyone told me that i was going to gain a grip of weight my first year here.. but nope.. i'm just losing.. and losing.. mainly because 1.) I'm eating VERY proportionate meals (the schools breakfast-dinner are much like fine dine proportions.. very small.. lite... and of course appetizing) sooooooo yeah. I'm POSITIVE that my body is in shock.. because well... I've down right got an appetite of a 400lb man LOL. I can eat a cow by myself thank you very much- hence my fat ass. LOL

still miss my family. boyfriend. and of course my friends. + my puppy =(
-still don't have time to get in all 3 meals.. it's either 1-2 meals.
-still don't have food in my room LOL.
-still in search for a genuine goooooooooooood girlfriend i can become bossom buddies with
-i sat alone at lunch 2 days ago. that was very ronery (but hopefully that doesn't happen anymore)
-want to make some videos but still toooo hectic here right now
-I have to memorize just about every fruit.. vegetable.. etc.. for class and just an idea.. there's about 50 diff. APPLES thank you very much.. (TOTALLY GONNA GET OWNED. i have the brain capacity of a peanut) HORRIBLE memory -__- ugh....

I think that's about it!!
for the most part.. I'm having a blast... the education here is ROUGH i tell you but i'm loving it. I've never had professors or chefs or whatever you want to call them.. have so many high expectations from me personally. I LOVE IT. everyone here is so... passionate of what they do it's great!!

(RAndomness: Today i woke up at 6am.. to go to the receiving dock (where they bring in all the produce in the mornings) and just watched things run... I checked out the produce.. and tried to recognize some of them.. only recognized like.. 10 out of 100 things. JEEZ LUIZ... lol then i was given the BEST GRAPE i've ever tried in my life.. sooooo good.. i learned how each veggy & fruit is inspected... whats in season.. what needs to be returned.. what comes from where. VERY INTERESTING!! )

ANYWHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! HOpe to hear from you ladies soon!!
Thanks for sharing your experiences with me!! I really loveeeee reading your guys comments.. and tips.. and of course all the encouragement. the days are getting better.. and hopefully soon warmer!

I'm off to class (Product Knowledge)!! KISSSSSSSESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS <3
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Sunday, March 8, 2009

herro from HYDE PARK NY!! =)


long long time! How are you ladies?!
WELLLLLLLl first and foremost.. a quick THANK YOOH to allllllll you wonderful chickas who've been sending me messages through myspace, youtube, facebook & here! I really really really really appreciate it. It's been a rough week for me but the messages you guys have sent me really has and is still helping me keep my head up. I'm so overwhelmed by this move.. that I'm speechless. Talk about the most humbling experience I've ever had. This whole move really has taught me many things about myself. That iiiiiiiiii for one have DEFINITELY not been grateful for everything that was so freely given to me before.. basic things like FOOD & TOILET PAPER rofl.. let alone just SPACE. golly.

anyway.. where should I begin? Perhaps a room tour? =) Let me show y
ou guys the horrific living space that I'm living in currently. ROFL JKJK. it's not THAT bad.
My roommates dressers- I have 2 others BTW (my bed on the top with the green blanket)

my roomates bed.. with my ghetto bed on top (i have to climb that dresser to get on my bed)
my bed look how close the ceiling is.. i hit my head in the mornings sitting up LOLview of the room from my bed my desk is the midle oneroomates bed.. view from my bed
my lonely bare desk.. =( with not many pictures. my ghetto bed on top.

ROFL so watcha guys think? pretty ghetto eh?!
BUTT i figure.. i'm somewhat lucky.. cause atleast i have a room.. the campus is so overly full that there's 55 students without a dorm.. so they're staying at a motel. -__________-;

but. yeah. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. all the NEW YORK advice i got is going to dump.. with the exception of things to do with the weather.. and the whole rudeness thing.. cause i straight up.. live in the..

rofl. and i don't mean just any booneys.. i'm talking SMALLLLLLLLLLl town.. where you neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedd a car to go anywhere cause it's like miles before you hit anything!! At this point.. I don't even have FOOOOOOOOOOD to eat endless i buy some at the cafe here during business hours.. because i don't have a car to go grocery shopping.

Literally.. i'm losing pounds. not half a pound.. or a few ounces.. i mean POUNDS. because i'm so deprived of food.. at night mostly & on weekends.. =( so sad. I wish i knew someone here who could take me grocery shopping. I can't even really shop cause I DONT HAVE A JOB!!!!! and no job= no money.. anddd because this town is sooooooooooo small there are no jobs.. keep in mind HYDE PARk (where i live) also has close to 8000 college students who are also looking for jobs. so yeah.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO for no food. soooo last night i called my parents.. to ask if they can ship me some.. ramen.. and mac n cheese and whatever.. any food.. so i don't surprise.. just as i heard there voice.. guess what..

i started BALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =*(((. noonnnnn stop.
you guys wouldn't believe how emotionally wrecked i've been this week.
i miss my family so much.
and never have i ONCEEEEEEEEEEEE cried hearing my dads voice until now.
His voice started quivering hearing me. =**(
so of course.. i couldn't stop crying.
i really really really really really realy really miss them.

HOLY cow. talk about tangent. so yeah. it's been tough. still haven't made many friends yet.. and well.. lets just say i haven't met any friends that i'm comfortable with. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many of the kids here are pot heads.. and well.. i'm just not a pot head. -_-;

ok anyway here is a list of good & bad things that have happened since i've been here!!

I met a girl today named Dionne from JAMAICA!! VERY cool =) guess how i met her?! LOL. i went to church for the first time today in a LONG time.. and while i was waiting at the rec center.. she starts coming up to me saying.. OMG! You look like JINAH this youtube makeup girl!! ROFL!! ahahhahahhahahha.
VERY COOl =) someone to share my makeup obsession with <3 style="font-weight: bold;">-
NO TAX ON CLOTHES!!!!!!! HOLY MOLY!!!!!! i bought that plaid shirt (it's for men but it's soooooooo comfortable) for $11.99 on clearance! WOOOOOOOOOOOo!

on the way here.. the stupid airport jerks dropped my luggage so hard that my train case broke.. along with 3 of my MAC eyeshadows.. ricepaper.. carbon & vanilla. FABULOUS RIGHT?! >.< GRRRRRRR - i miss my bf. and family. and friends =( - i'm on overload with homework. and i feel like an idiot because it's so fast paced.. that i feel like i can hardly keep up. - teachers here (chefs & professors) are hardcore. NO SLACK whatsoever. NOTHING like college in california. - did i mention everyones a pothead here? =( - no food no food no food =((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( - INTERNET SUCKS IN my dorm so if i make a video anytime soon i have to come to the library to upload. -_-; - my SD pro duo memory card is not transfering information to my computer. so i can't even upload pictures at this point. I think that's it for now =(. Anyway.. i miss you all ALOT!~!!!! I don't know my mailbox information yet here at the school.. but i'll be getting it soon.. once i do.. DONATE TO THE FEED JINAH foundation hahaha! (not money.. just FOOOOOOOOD!! ) like.. munchies. oh em gee. i'm gonna be so deprived of korean food it's sad. <3<3<3<3<3

O BTW: tiffany says hi LOL

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