my life as it is.. i.m.perfect

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Can't sleep, HE'S COMING TO CALI!!!!!

Hey loves,
So last night.. I couldn't go to sleep till 2 something in the morning.. which is reallyyyyy late for me since I typically wake up at 6am with Paul (my nephew). Allens coming to Cali in 2 days.. and i'm so excited.. I can't think of anything besides him. I've missed him so much. I've been losing my mind here in California.. with all these ridiculous thoughts..

I should be happy to be home.. but I've seriously been being ping ponged back and forth between my sister's house and my parents house.. on who gets to use me for labor. BLAH.

the past week I've been pretty upset.
I'm so tempted to smoke right now because of my weight gain. I know that sounds ridiculous but I can feel the fat on every part of my body just.. coming back x309049383. It's so hard.. to see the weight that I worked my butt off.. come back.. 7 more pounds and I'll be back to the weight that I started out with in March. Ugh. Since quitting I've gained back close to 10 pounds..

My sister and Allen keep telling me.. health is more important than my weight. Quitting smoking was a good choice.
Right? RIGHTTTTT?!?!?
Then why in the worldddddd am i so tempted to start again.
It's horrible.
The only thing that's keeping me away, in honest truth..
is the disappointment I'd see on my families face along with Allen's face..
in addition to the fact that it's not a good smell to be around my nephews with.
Beyond that.. I'm just.. fighting the temptation to pick up the nasty habit again.
I eat so frequently right now.. and it's so hard to fight that too!!
My nephew has a pretty distinct schedule when it comes to eating.. and I end up eating with him every single meal. I've never ate so on the dot..
Breakfast.. snack.. lunch.. snack... dinner.. dessert.
I don't even LIKE sweets and I'm craving them.
Damn junk food.. keeps you craving more junk food.

It's depressing.
I can't freaking wear the clothes I was wearing in NY.
I'm so excited to see Allen..
but then again.. I'm scared out of my mind... cause I don't want him to see me..... like a blimp.
It's frustrating.
I feel like a couch potato even though I run around all day chasing my nephew.
I can't do this.

I'm so ready to go back to New York and start my life again..

I want to do everything.
I won't stop myself from anything.

I gotta run. Daniel (my newborn nephew) is hollaring.

Oh for you mommies out there... I HAVe to give you props.
You ladies just aren't as appreciated as you should be.

Here are some pictures:

My mommy & Baby Daniel
Daddy and Baby Daniel
My family <3 and my chubbed self.

Yuko and I <3 She came for the whole weekend to see me from Arizona! I love you!!!!!

Yuko, her baby Lotus and her hubby Tariq!!! Hot family huh?!?!

My closest cousin and I. I can't believe he's turning 21 in 3 months!

youtube... i gotta seriously.. catch up on it. BLAH.
scared.. to show myself. i just wanna hide in a hole.

Here's a video of my nephew.. paul.. while i'm feeding him Jja Jang bap.
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Tuesday, November 10, 2009


whhhhhhhhattttt the monkey fart!! POO ginger nuggets of COW!!!
I can't sleep. I'm so hyper. WHY WHY WHY!!!! And because i'm up.. i should be doing something productive.. but no. Instead.. i'm sitting in my fav. shirt.. with very ugly baggy old booty shorts from Victoria Secret that Allen swears i have to throw away, LOL they don't even hug my butt since i don't have one. AHAhahahahaha. how sad.

I figure I might as well give you guys another update right! Sooooo.. let's see..
Right now I'm in San Diego again.
Blah. I know right? I hop around too much. I'm gonna do my mini story/timeline update again:

-I came back to SD on... Thursday because I find out that there's something black growing in my dad's hip. They don't know what it is yet.. ::sigh:: so.. of course me being a baby.. i just started crying without even knowing the details. I cried the whole 2 hour drive home by myself. I get home and my parents look at me all crazy cause it's not even phasing them. My brother starts yelling at my parents.. telling them that they can't be telling me this stuff cause i can't handle it.
truth. it's true. I can't. I don't think I can handle.. the idea of death at all yet. I cried for months when Boba passed away. and can hardly keep myself from crying when I think of him.

-My mom tells my sister.. she had.. the same.. horrible dream.. that she had before my Uncle passed away except this time with my dad... T-T i know right.. moving on.
-Friday I end up.. doing absolutely nothing like the loner i am. LOL. except cleaning of course. I cleaned the house.. and had dinner with the family.
-Saturday my sister randomly says that we're having.. a mini celebration for Baby Daniel (my newest nephew), so my family and I head back to Orange County for that. Had an amazing time. Being around lots of family is truly the best feeling.

*So.. guess what... while my aunties were sitting down with my mom chatting away.. they start talking about.. me.. I was preparing myself for the worst right, since koreans are so judgmental. Surprisingly, my auntie starts saying, "Yeah your shi-lang (future new husband- which she's referring to Allen AHAHAHAHA- WHOLE nother story) is such a lucky man." She proceeds to look at my mom.. and continues to say " Esther can cook, do makeup, studies well, has a one of a kind personality, i mean she's good at everything she does". * TIME OUT *. So.. as soon as she said the first compliment my jaw kinda dropped.. My aunties never say anything positive to me. THey've always told me.." lose weight.. don't go to culinary school. go to harvard. why are you with that boy. You're dark. Don't even drink water at night. " so you could imagine, me hearing that come out of THEIR mouths.. complete shock. i probably drooled a little bit. ahahahhaa
-Anyway Yesterday I ended up going to shoot pool with one of my besties. Freddy bear! (The guy that made the CHAE sign last time i flew in LOL since he thought he wouldn't recognize me cause of the weightloss) AHHAHAHAH. Oober fun. drank a bit. got loose. Enjoyed myself. First time in a while.

-I just totally lost my train of thoughts. darn.

moving on...
OH YEAH!!!!!!
So I'm holding a contest.. DETAILS will be put up SOON!
xpinkxx (aka SUPER UBER HOT SEXY PAM) gave me the idea.. of doing a COOKING competition.. whilee incorporating.. a makeup look to go with it. Ahahah Pam also said.. to bust out the hooker heels. LOL. What do you guys think? I recently got a HUGEEEEEE gift package from Sigma! Their brushes are...PHENOMENAL.. I'll be doing a 1-4th place.. with 1st place getting the FULL BRUSH SET!! It's like.. 10+ brushes. NO KIDDING. they're seriously really good too. VERY similar to MAC although some of the bristles are different.

So let me know what you guys think!

Alright I'm gonna stop.. cause my brain is slowing down.
But here's my photo journal within the last few days =) enjoy!

We OOVOO almost every night.. and laugh away.. at the stupidest things. I burp. He looks at me.. in total disgust AhAHHAHAA

I even cried. because of stress. LOL. what else is new right?!
yeah.. he laughs at himself when he THINKS he's funny. Him and his oober denarded jokes. lol

OKKKKK so My BESTY from Arizona is coming to see me with her baby and husband!! I haven't seen her in 4 years!!! Since... our fight. Do you guys remember me talking about how I apologized and it took the biggest burden away? Well I get to finally see her!!

Yeah.. We were 14 here.. and uhh.. yeah.. the hair.. the brows.. everything. LOL. muy no bueno
LOOK AT MY SHOES! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA! remember the cropped pants. oh my.
Made potato au gratin
Along with stuffed tomato & bell pepper duxelle (mushroom stuffing)
Made shrimp scampi pasta!??! YUMMMMMM.. i was eating it.. and totally forgot to take a picture.. so I took a picture after i took a bite

My uber cute nephews and i (Paul the smallest one, Brandon the med. one lol and Justin the eldest one)

I made a Recipe Journal! I bought the notebook from Borders for $3!! because it was 75% off!!! WOOO.. then I made tabs and categorized all my favorite cuisines. It's my newest obsession. I've been running to everyone asking them their best dishes ahahah

Paul's so cute. He kept jumping on my bed and laughing at himself cause he was having so much fun. He's only a year and half crazy right!

Baby Daniel and I
My older sister and Baby Daniel <3>
OKkk my newest projecT !!! I initially wanted to buy a Hello Kitty laptop sleeve (the original from Sanrio.. not bootleg) but it was going for $50!!!! so i decided to make my own.

I started off by buying this sleeve from Target for $13.00

Then for $1.00 i bought this.. moving packing material...

At target I bought the Love love love hankerchief for $1.00!! I didn't know what i was going to use it for.. then i bought the black and white fabric at the japanese store for $3.00.. I got the packing material.. sized it.. then wrapped the fabrics around it.. then SEWED it into the laptop sleeve.
Added the Apple sticker that came with my MacBook Pro.. AND WALLA!!!! DOPENESS! and it's so stuffed that i'm positive it'll protect my laptop!

I bought this uber cute pink bag at Walmart for $10.. and found a black ribbon thingy around the house.. LOL.. and i'm using it to carry my laptop

Ok for my laptop accessories (charger, headset, itouch, etc) I bought this black pouch at the Japanese store for $1.50.
With the left over fabric... i sized it to the pouch and sewed it.. so that it'd fit around the pouch..

WALA!!!!!!! Cute right?!?! Fits all my laptopy stuff!!

Okeyyyyys All done :) I love you ladies@!!
Thanks for reading up on me.. and checking up with how i'm doing.
Especially the emails. I'm telling you... it's like therapy! I'm actually going to go KARAOKE with Sarahhhhh on Wednesday who I'm meeting through my emails! <3
BTW: If you haven't found me on twitter. FIND ME!!
I'm now... addicted. ::sigh:: LOL

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