So last night.. I couldn't go to sleep till 2 something in the morning.. which is reallyyyyy late for me since I typically wake up at 6am with Paul (my nephew). Allens coming to Cali in 2 days.. and i'm so excited.. I can't think of anything besides him. I've missed him so much. I've been losing my mind here in California.. with all these ridiculous thoughts..
I should be happy to be home.. but I've seriously been being ping ponged back and forth between my sister's house and my parents house.. on who gets to use me for labor. BLAH.
the past week I've been pretty upset.
I'm so tempted to smoke right now because of my weight gain. I know that sounds ridiculous but I can feel the fat on every part of my body just.. coming back x309049383. It's so hard.. to see the weight that I worked my butt off.. come back.. 7 more pounds and I'll be back to the weight that I started out with in March. Ugh. Since quitting I've gained back close to 10 pounds..
My sister and Allen keep telling me.. health is more important than my weight. Quitting smoking was a good choice.
Then why in the worldddddd am i so tempted to start again.
The only thing that's keeping me away, in honest truth..
is the disappointment I'd see on my families face along with Allen's face..
in addition to the fact that it's not a good smell to be around my nephews with.
Beyond that.. I'm just.. fighting the temptation to pick up the nasty habit again.
I eat so frequently right now.. and it's so hard to fight that too!!
My nephew has a pretty distinct schedule when it comes to eating.. and I end up eating with him every single meal. I've never ate so on the dot..
Breakfast.. snack.. lunch.. snack... dinner.. dessert.
I don't even LIKE sweets and I'm craving them.
Damn junk food.. keeps you craving more junk food.
I can't freaking wear the clothes I was wearing in NY.
I'm so excited to see Allen..
but then again.. I'm scared out of my mind... cause I don't want him to see me..... like a blimp.
I feel like a couch potato even though I run around all day chasing my nephew.
I can't do this.
I'm so ready to go back to New York and start my life again..
I want to do everything.
I won't stop myself from anything.
I gotta run. Daniel (my newborn nephew) is hollaring.
Oh for you mommies out there... I HAVe to give you props.
You ladies just aren't as appreciated as you should be.
Here are some pictures:
My mommy & Baby Daniel
Daddy and Baby Daniel
My family <3 and my chubbed self.
ROLLS GALORE COMING BACK. sadness
Yuko and I <3 She came for the whole weekend to see me from Arizona! I love you!!!!!
Yuko, her baby Lotus and her hubby Tariq!!! Hot family huh?!?!
My closest cousin and I. I can't believe he's turning 21 in 3 months!
youtube... i gotta seriously.. catch up on it. BLAH.
scared.. to show myself. i just wanna hide in a hole.
Here's a video of my nephew.. paul.. while i'm feeding him Jja Jang bap.