my life as it is.. i.m.perfect

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The end of day 5....

Hey girls,
I know a lot of you have started your own journey's and I'd loveeeeee to hear how it's going!
As for myself, today is the end of day 5.... and I've got to say that the last few days haven't gotten any easier since the end of day 1. My workouts are still difficult... I'm motivated.. but I feel like at times my motivation just.. disappears within seconds. As far as dieting, well.... let's just say I feel deprived. lol. I'm a girl that likes to sit down and enjoy a steak Chipotle burrito with chips & guac... yes... I can eat the WHOLE thing.. but no.. here I am trying to pace my 1 cup of cheerios and 1 cup of nonfat milk.. with my 1 serving of strawberry yogurt while mentally telling myself that my body doesn't need anything more. LOL. Need I say more?

Anyway even though I'm just... whining.. things are still happening and I'm not giving up. I know I've lost weight but I don't know how much.. Weigh in is Wednesday.. which I'm really actually nervous about. I'm working hard..really hard... and so I'm hoping it shows on the scale..

Just to catch up.. here's what I've been eating, this is just a random compilation over the last 3 days.
Notes: Diet= 1200-1400 calories/ day, minimal salt, minimal sugar, minimal fat.

Breakfast- *goal is 300 cal. 7am-8am
-1 cup cereal, 1 cup non fat milk, & 1 yogurt (300 cal)
-1 slice whole wheat toast, 2 egg white scramble with mushrooms & onions, yogurt (250 cal)
-2 slice lean turkey bacon, 1 slice whole wheat toast, 2 egg whites, orange (240 cal)

Snack 10am
-fresh mini sweet peppers (25 cal/ 3)
-frozen fruit **myyyy favorite!!! You can buy it at costco, a big bag of frozen mangos, papaya, strawberries, pineapples
(70 cal. per cup!!)
-string cheese (not too big of a fan of)
-celery, carrots, broccoli (raw)

Lunch *goal is 300 cal 12 noon-1pm
-turkey sandwich on whole wheat with all the veggies, mustard, vinegar & black pepper
-strips of chicken breast over a mixed green salad with all the vegggies, vinegar, a tiny bit of oil, etc...
-tofu salad with a lil bit of sesame oil and soy sauce, vinegar with greens and veggies

Snack! Same as above 3pm

Dinner *goal is around 400-450 cal 5pm-6pm
-grilled chicken with steamed broccoli and herb roasted red bliss potatoes
-pan seared salmon with steamed veggies and 1/2 cup brown rice
-tofu soup with lots of veggies in it, steamed bok choy and 1/2 cup brown rice

-10 cups

Ok so overall, nothing interesting.. everything really raw.. but I do have to say that my frozen fruits fulfill my dessert needs! They're soooooo goooood to eat! Def. should try it.

As far as my workouts,
I do an average of 30 minutes of cardio at the gym.. and burn between 300-400 calories.

Here is a list of what I've been doing on the machines:
-Treadmill... 2 min warm up at 3.4 speed... run at 6.5 speed for 3 minutes.. cool down for 1 min back to 3.4 speed.... incline 15 and walk at same speed for 4 minutes... decline back to 0... and run at 6.5 speed for another 3 minutes... cool down for 1 min at 3.4 speed.. etc..etc... I usually stop at 20-25 minutes..

-Ellipticals...start at level 7 resistance and just go for 10-15 minutes...

By the time I'm done with my cardio.. I'm drenched in sweat.. pretty gross.. cause I literally drip >.<.

I was meaning to blog about a few big points... but I've already forgotten.. I just feel soooo out of it.

OH yeah!! ok I remember one.. So.. I'm really starting to get pissed off and I need to let this out... cause it annoys the crap out of me.
I'm sick and tired of Koreans being so freaking judgmental on the way people look and act. It drives me NUTS!!!!!!
I can't stand it. Seriously. I'm overweight. yes. I know. But don't look at me like I'm some fat tub of lard that can't do anything!
Seriously. SERIOUSLY. Damn Koreans are all fake with their plastic surgery and their anorexic issues including their over obsession with having to have everything and demoralizing everyone. DON'T ACT superior, DON'T ACT like you're some gift from God. slkjfalskdjflaskjdfhvoxivuefr!~!!!

I'm seriously so over this having to be perfect thing. You know what's sad? Korean parents will tell their children that they love them... and then tell them that they should get nose surgery, eye surgery, leg surgery.. to lose weight.. to not drink water cause they'll gain weight.. to wear a corset so they get tuck in their bellies and sit up straight... to pretend they're perfect.


Sorry. I'm Korean.. and I love being Korean... I love Korean food.. and some of Korean culture... but I can't stand... 99% of the Korean population which explains whyyyyy I only have a handful of korean friends. >.<

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Sorry for the random frustrations..

I'm hoping to make a video soon...

so stay tune..
I love you girls :) 5 days down... 85 more days to go...


Gloria's World said...

jinah, i can understand you completely. i've been reading your blog since last year. i have been living in toronto, was raised there. and this year, i finished my college and went back to korea. and damn you all korean girls....seriously they look all the same. can't really tell the difference. i too don't have korean friends. actually, i have 4...sad but it's true. koreans are complicated....way to complicated.

but don't worry about it. just shake it off.

good luck with your diet~ im also doing mine. but not sweating much as you do. but still trying.


Lemon Tart said...

I'm with you Jinah! I am also trying to lose weight and it ain't easy at all. Focus is easy to say but really hard to do. I believe you can do this! We can do this! =)

Tammy said...

Hey Jinah! I just found you on YouTube and now I'm following your blog. It's like you're me! (or I'm you LOL). We're going through the same thing with the weight thing. And I'm half Korean, so I know what you mean about Korean parents being so hard on their kids. My mom is always trying to find ways for me to lose weight. It's depressing how she always compares me to my cousins (who are skinnier, prettier, married to rich men, have beautiful kids, etc).

Anyway, don't let it get to you. Just do what's best for YOU and don't worry about what anyone else says. You go girl! Keep up the great work.

Oh, and thanks to you, I just started dieting and setting weight loss goals for myself. My first mini-goal is to lose 10lbs by March 1st by eating right and exercising. Like you, I LOVE food, so it hasn't been easy these past few days. But I'm working through the cravings and pain because I know the end result will be worth it. So thanks for the motivation.

Best of luck to you!

JC said...

OMG I know what you mean about Koreans! My parents used to be very, very "you're fat, you're round, you shouldn't eat a second portion" when I was in high school... when you're at the MOST vulnerable, sensitive, awkward phase of your life. By the way, I was 115lbs, 5'2" in high school... It was awful. My self-esteem was so low. We've been in America for 14yrs now, and they've strayed from that you-need-to-be-perfect kind of thinking. My mom is very anti-plastic surgery, and tells my sister and I that we're pretty just the way we are. And my parents have both backed off the weight loss issue since high school (thank goodness). I only have a few Korean friends, and none of us can stand Koreans either lol. I feel like it's mostly GIRLS too. They give you that look.. up and down.. and think they're so superior. It drives me nuts. Hey, at least I'm 100% natural (minus the makeup, lol)!!

Anyway, I love reading your blog and watching your vids. Keep us updated with everything. Maybe do a food tutorial? Film one day in the kitchen of you making dinner -- Rachel Ray style. lol.

<3 JC

Anonymous said...

Jinah! I know what you mean about the whole mentality of Korean people. I go to a Korean church and the people there are just brutal. When I was in 10th grade I was 113 lbs and 5'1 and I was of normal weight but I was bombarded with text messages every single day saying I was fat and that I didn't fit in here and that I should leave this church because nobody wanted me here cuz I was too fat. And when I visited korea my grandma didn't want me wearing shorts in the summer because I didn't have those skinny stick legs that every single Korean girl in korea had. Who cares if you and I are curvy? No everyone has to look like a friggin stick it pisses me offf too. I seriously think this is the mentality that Koreans will always have and that iwill always resent about them. I was so depressed after that and have alot of eating disorders because of this but now I know that i shouldnt care about what these trivial people say. Keep up the good work Jinah and thanks for being such a great role model!! I'm rooting for you :)

Jazzie Casas said...

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Siluet said...

I'm Japanese and same thing with our culture. You gotta be like 90lbs to be pretty or some bull like that. I was 110lbs in high school (5'2 shorty) and my mom said I was fat. Now that I'm 150lbs -_-; and I brought that up she was speachless. Not that I'm proud of my weight...just more like..I'LL SHOW YOU WHATS OVERWEIGHT! kinda stupid I know.

Is your trainer helping with your food intake part of your diet too? or are you doing that on your own?

Ji said...

Don't let it phase you jinah, YOU GOT THIS! And yeah seriously koreans can just suck it(lol i'm korean). I mean seriously, just look at the kpop industry, it's pretty much a testament to how incredibly shallow and screwed the ideals are. No talent = fine, as long as you fit into their cookie cutter idea of pretty.

xoladiihoneyxo said...

It's not just Korean, it's Asian in general. A lot of my white friends didn't understand why I thought I was fat throughout middle and high school. Now, let me ask you... a girl being 5'2 and is 100 lbs, do you consider her as fat? Hell no! Now that I look back, damn, I was so dumb. I didn't snap out of it until later on. Asians, especially your aunt and mom, will always be judgmental on the girls' appearance but it's OKAY for GUYS ONLY. It's just so darn annoying! You're so talented and pretty, don't let it get to you! I'm sick and tired of that too and sometimes I fire back by saying that they're too old to try to be skinny anymore because I can see all the wrinkles on their face, hands, and etc. I never had to deal with the corset thing but my Asian family keep telling me to diet and exercise... you know, along that line.

Gina said...

Hey Jinah, I've been a youtube subscriber for over a year and I love you so much mainly because I can relate to you so much. I am half korean, but I personally don't know any. I, do, however know how most asian cultures in general feel about weight, appearance, status, race, etc. I think if I didn't have so much pressure I'd be a lot happier with myself and wouldn't struggle with my weight so much for the wrong reasons. the main reason why I am writing to you. I've discovered a "lifestyle" that makes total sense to me and really helps me lose weight without depriving myself (entirely) and follows my beliefs about the world, commercialism, common sense, etc. I do not eat processed foods. I eat whole, organic, grass-fed, fresh food. This is the part that people bi*ch about though--no grains. You pretty much eat good quality meats, veggies, fruits and small amounts of nuts and dairy. It is sometimes referred to as anti-inflammation, paleo or gluten free diet. It is not only for weight loss but for health, support for local farmers and pretty much to prevent slaving over crappy low-cal or low-fat diets that don't work or always make sense. People have a sour face when they hear this because they've been told otherwise, which is understandable, but if you are ever interested some good/credible sites are and Hey you can always try everything else and then look back one day and try this too. Good luck with your weight loss. You are always so inspirational and down to earth.

Hayne P said...

My parents were definitely really in my face about my weight. In high school, I would skip a lot of meals and be very picky about what I ate, and I think the lowest I got was 110 at 5'1" and my dad would still say that my thighs were fat and that I needed to lose weight. Now, I'm 125 and 5'2" and my parents are both nagging at me nonstop about my weight, saying that I'm overweight. Even now, I'm about to turn 23, I still feel somewhat sensitive about my weight when my parents comment on it. I remember when I was younger (and even now, from time to time) I would feel really bad about myself, then literally not eat for the next few days or week or so. One time, I got so fed up and tired about the comments that I didn't eat for two weeks and lost ten pounds.

I really hate that the Korean culture focuses so much time on appearance. It really stresses me out! Even now, I still feel ugly standing next to a lot of Korean girls, because their hair would be perfectly curled, and they would be wearing nice, expensive clothing and have 쌍가풀, clear pretty face, and super thin, while I'm just... plain and average.

I don't understand why Koreans can be so catty about appearances, especially when a lot of them are Christians (and thus, shouldn't judge like that), and physical appearance is only temporary.

I love being Korean, but sometimes the mentality just gets to me, and I'm glad I'm a Korean-American and that I have good Korean friends who don't judge like that.

But seriously, those girls who have that attitude that they're better than everyone else and thus have the right to put everyone else down need to fix that. It's a very ugly trait, and honestly, even the prettiest and cutest girl will instantly look ugly in my eyes if they are like that.

applepark said...

Hi Jinah,

I totally relate to you. I see a lot of myself (also Korean) in you. I have had struggles with my weight my whole life and the idea of fitting into the Korean ideal. My relationship with my parents is also really typical. Culture clashes. Communication failures. Feeling guilty, inadequate.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that you are awesome for being so honest and true to yourself. I think it's great that you are posting this online and doing your videos. It gives people inspiration to be honest and say it's ok to not fit into the Korean ideal (or any idea of perfection). LOL, I often tell my husband that I hate Korean people (but just out of frustration).

Keep up the videos and posts!


clawdeeugh said...

i love this blog ! i'm signing up for a 90day bootcamp as well so im glad youre posting up the food variety lol. keep up the good work !

Anonymous said...

Hey Jina, I also totally relate to you. Some koreans are so fd up. Even my relos are like that - its all about material things n appearances. I think it's so stupid n the k dramas (although addicting) influences these ideals. I gained a lot of weight last year n my mum constantly tells me I need to lose weight etc. n then buys me fatty food like wtf. I want to lose weight so they can all shut the fk up n leave me the hell alone. Oh well as long as you're happy, nothing matters. Gd luck in your journey n be healthy! Xo

A2NL0V4U said...

Hey Jinah
hang in there girl! <3. you have to show them that you can be just as pretty and a great gal - like how you already are!!

My chinese family background is really strict with weight as well... I have been struggling with "being heavy/ chubby" all my life practically....xD

I am 5' 5.5'' - 5'6" and im around 143... it kinda sucks when, like you said that azns will give those mean stares and think they are better... i know exactly how you feel because i am going through the same thing... and it doesnt help when our bf is kinda picky sometimes too about our images ;O!

lol but keep up the good work! and i am also a subbie of yours on Yt. Hope to see you in videos again soon! =]

Anonymous said...

Hey Jinah!!

I think you're such a pretty person and your videos as well as blogs are motivational. I'm sure it's not just me, but there are so many girls out there who believe that you are a gorgeous person inside and out. :)

As a fellow Korean, I do understand what you go through when it comes to other ignorant Korean people making comments and judgements about you. I also only have a selected few Korean friends. My non-asian friends always tell me that I look just fine the way I am and I actually do feel more comfortable being around them cause as compared to Koreans, I feel like they're less rude when it comes to body image.

Oh and you know what realllyyyy annoys me? When you know that a large population of the Korean culture goes to church and they expect people to follow God and what not... Well, if you think about it, if they truly believe they are a good Christian, why do you pass judgement on others? I mean, not to bring religion into this, but I don't think God would approve of their behavior if they are true believers.

But regardless of what others may say, I believe you are a positive influence in so many girls out there and wish you the best in reaching your goals!!

A.K. =)

DSK Steph! said...

Hey Jinah :)

I feel the same way you feel but about Viet people..and I'm Vietnamese-American... >.< Sometimes we just gotta be us, and forget about them.

I'm here for you blogosphere buddy <3


BonBon said...

Beautiful Jinah,

You know we all support you with our hearts! Forget about those silly hypocrites and focus on yourself sweetie, u do this for yourself coz u want to be healthy. We are not aiming to be a skinny bitch but smart, healthy and beautiful from the inside!
U know that gym will get addicted once you pass the struggling stage. You will feel uneasy and tired if you skip gym afterwards. So hang in there girl :D

Stacy said...

Congrats Jinah!!!!

You're such a motivation to all of us and thank you so much for sharing EVERYTHING and being so open with us!!!!

I live in i dont think i need to say too much as far as how big the korean population is here esp since i live like 5 mins from koreatown (thank goodness i dont live IN koreatown)

My whole life i've been criticized about my not even that overweight...but the thing is i think korean women in general have a "bitch face" i think i do too....but they also do STARE for no reason all the ex that i was with for 5 years was salvadorian...boy you should have seen the faces on some people when they would see me with him...ughhh it so sad.

anyway i just wanted to write and say that you're an inspiration and you are so beautiful!!! looking forward to some makeup vids soon!

Wishing the best for u and alan!

Anonymous said...

wow big rant bout koreans there. have to say it was kind of harsh. im 100% korean but have grown up in the uk so although my parents have traditional korean views they have never asked me to lose weight or to get plastic surgery. they're very against it and so am i. i guess we're part of the 1% :) good job with the weight loss! and good luck!

MsWordstress said...

Hi Jinah,

My name is Amanda. You and I share the same trainer and he told me about your blog. I just want to tell you that you inspire me! Thank you for putting all your real feelings on the table. It takes a brave soul to do that.

Here's to working our butts off! We will get there!



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Anonymous said...

hmm i think asians in different countries are different. im korean and live in australia and i have no problems with feeling pressured or put down by korean parents or friends. Same with my friends (unless they are actually extremely overweight). There is no pressure for plastic surgery or to lose weight from other people HOWEVER it is more the pressure we put on ourselves since caucasians are usually all so tall and athletic

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