my life as it is.. i.m.perfect

Monday, October 27, 2008

HELL over one week.

Hey everyone~
It's been a few days.. or.. a week? I've been MIA.. I know.. So many random things have happened over the last couple days..

Here goes..
-went up to Santa Ana to discuss my future at the Culinary Institute (My heart is set on this school!!)
-spent some good time with my baby nephew
-MET JUdyy.. (ItsJudyTime) from youtube.. We went clubbing in downtown =) She's a super hottie!!!!!!! and she's got CURVESSSSSSS!! We both got wayyyyyyyy too faded..
-Went to the Haunted HOtel in Downtown.. it was the BESTTTTTTTTTTTT haunted kind of entertainment thingy to do!!!!! Super scary!!
-Had a long good talk with my mom.. she's so supportive!
-Made up with my boyfriend (you'll see on the bad things that happened)

K so that somes up the goOOOOOOD.

-My car broke down on the way back down from Santa Ana.
-My car got towed to the nearest shop ($75.00), and was diagnosed WRONG ($50.00), was stuck in Encinitas.. until my boyfriend came.. which made him miss a very important day in class..
-Because the diagnosis was wrong.. we ended up buying the wrong parts.. for the car.. ($500.00)
-Got another diagnosis from ANOTHER shop.. and well.. my engine is screwed. (it's going to cost between $1500-$2000).
-Having no car.. I haven't been able to work out.. and I haven't been able to eat right.. with my car financial stress.. UGH. = GAIN WEIGHT
-Brother & family lash out at me.. about my car. They make me feel like shit.. by rubbing it in my face... saying how because they're helping me out.. they're sacrificing soooooooo much. -__________-;
-My car problems.. and the $$ situation brings drama into the family.
-Gain weight + my car problems + my bank account being effed + my family drama= the start of a VERY depressing weekend.
-Back and forth I drove to encinitas the whole weekend (45 miles from my house).. to find a solution.. no solution yet.
-My brother and I got in a huge effing fight.. over my car. bad. bad. bad. I broke out screaming and crying so hard.. that i was quivering.. and him.. well.. if you guys know Koreans.. we've got the worst tempers ever.. he pretty much reached his peak. His hands were fisted lets just say.
-Saturday night the boyfriend wants to go out.. I feel like shit.. i look like shit.. i feel fat as shit.. im broke as shit.. PLUSSSSSSSSss the whole week my boyfriend was really antsy.. he ALSO kept lashing out on me. I didn't want to go out.. and see anyone.. nor talk to anyone.. or DO anything.. because I was on the verge of wanting to lock myself in my closet.
-That was the beginning of the worst fight that my boyfriend and I have ever been in.
-Drama. drama. drama. Finally.. we both spill.. and I find out some really... shocking things from him.
-Bottom line: I'm a selfish. unthankful. very very very BAD BAD BAD girlfriend.
He deserves so much more. He works so hard. Can't say much more.. cause it's private.. but.. I realize that.. weight... and looking good.. and makeup.. all of this beauty stuff.. that i've been obsessing over the past few months.. needs to STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It really does. In this life of mine.. all I can do is think about myself.. really.. that's the bottom line.. I always.. think just about myself.. how I feel ugly.. how I feel fat.. how I can't afford this.. how I can't afford that.. how i feel like crap.. how I wish this.. wish that..

It needs to stop.

While I'm spending my money on alllllllllll these worthless things.. my boyfriend is working his ass off.. and getting hardly any sleep.. to make a future for the both of us.. Ridiculous. Pathetic. Really.
PLUSSSSSS the economy is CRAP!!!!!! Financially.. our family.. is in a financial crisis... my ridiculous useless habits... are really pathetic.

Time to straighten up.

The solution?
-I'm completely on a shopping strike. NO makeup. NO clothes. NO NOTHING!!(so far so good)
-My cards have been stashed away.. = no more spending at all.
-Money.. I'm going to work my ass off the next few months.. and get rid of all my bills.
-Diet? It's on a hold. Eff being skinny right now.. If my boyfriend has to sacrifice.. time.. and money.. and sleep.. and all this other stuff.. just to fulfill my self esteem.. it's CRAP. I'll work out & diet when my life is stable.
-Makeup? I'm not quiting it =). I LOVE makeup.. it's become.. a hobby of mine.. I'm more interested with what I can do with my makeup.. then buying more makeup. I'm over my shopping obsession. OOOOOOOOoo (I got a call today.. from a random girl.. asking me to do her makeup? WHOA!!!!! First makeup JOB?!!?! Crazy huh!I'll be doing it on Friday)

K.. so there's everything in a nutshell.. I have lots of random pictures.. and videos for you guys.. but.. i'm just... really tied up.. Hope you guys can bear with me.


Beauty is Androgynous said...

sorry tohear u had such a bad few days =[
but u don't have to stop dieting.

u can just try to eat smaller portions tha tmay help.

its hard having the 1st real biggest fight. it feels really depressing..
but it feels even better when u both are able to climb out of it together.

communication is key plus u get to learn things u didn't know bout the other.
important thing is u both survived it right?

i was so stupid. i kick myself for spending money on cosmetics when i knew I WAS STRAPPED for cash.

i tell myself "i'm getting paid next week" n such...
but i come back to work, and i'm off the schedule for the next 2 weeks.
which means i'll probably never be put back on.
nothing in life is for sure.
with money..job..
it sucks hard.
but as long as we just keep trying and know things will work out in some way or another, thats all we can do.

feel better!

tuna said...

hiii, i've been an anonymous follower:)but i HAD to comment. i'm sorry about the fights you had and the must have been really rough>.<
but i want to encourage you!! taking care of yourself by exercising (at the gym or at home) and making sure that you eat right doesn't make you selfish. i think it'll actually help you through difficult times since exercising helps u feel better with the endorphins and all :)
although i might've not experienced the same situations as you, i can sooo relate with trying to lose weight and wanting to feel good. i only learned that when i start turning everything about me- about my weight, looks, this and that, things eventually turned crappy! haha. i guess it's the whole being self-centered thing:/ but it helps to look towards other things and people too :) so in a way, the whole situation with the car, boyfriend, and family, maybe it was used as a reminder to kinda nudge you and help you see your family/boyfriend in a different light. hope i'm making sense!!! but yeah, just wanted to send some encouragement----------* :)

Jennifer @ said...

oh man what u listed there was some of the same exact things that are going on in my life.

my parents are up my ass bc of school

my bf is pissed bc i don't work hard enough in school plus all my bills i managed to work up without having a job to even pay for anything right now :(

but it really opened my eyes and i needed to change.

i'm glad u and ur bf made up. good luck with the culinary school can't wait for ur posts in cooking :D

Iyah said...

*hugs* I hope you feel better soon. I understand what you're going through. Sometimes its hard when parents/family are not there when you need them the most. What I mean is, instead of blaming you for what happened to your car, they should be just there and give you a hug and assure you that everything will be alright and glad that you're okay. *hugs*

Its true that we spend so much on make up rather than saving up for an important emergency like that. I learned that too the hard way. Now, I only buy what I need. and if I want to buy something I want, I wait for an occasion and just treat myself whenever I can :)

Oh, where did you meet Judy? I didn't know she's from Socal :)

Simer said...


Sorry to hear about everything that is going on with you. Its funny how everything bad happens at once.. why can't it just come in small doses???... I think its good that your seeing what needs to change and you got a plan in action.. thats the best thing that you can do...

Good luck!!!

mszcheysser said...


I am sorry to hear about the things that you are going through. Life is hard right now. It's the same for me. I got into a car accident, and my family been giving me shit too. And then soon, my digital camera was broken as well as my cellphone. They're 75% from being broken. But throughout everything, my boyfriend has been there. I am always giving him my anger... but now that I read your blog.. I also realized how self-fish I am. I need to start thinking about him too. :(

I love reading your blog! They are so interesting to read. I hope everything gets better, I really do! Take care.

j'adore said...

hey jinah, i can totally relate to what you are going through at the moment being a korean myself. koreans do have a temper lol. i guess you can say that im in a similiar position myself with the whole financial situation and such. but you know what? don't depress yourself because it only makes things harder on you. its easier said than done, but it seems like you have your nice bf to help you out. feel better and cheer up!

LadeedaTiffany said...

Hey Jinah!
Im so sorry you had a rough week!
Your solution sounds great. It really isn't about how much makeup you have but more about what you can do with your makeup! You're such an inspiration! I was actually going through your past few blogs (this is my first time on your blog) and you're so funny! The way you are reminds me a lot like me? Is that weird. lol the way you talk about your bf's habits are exactly the way I'd describe my bf's habits. lol. Anyway, I hope you're having a better week!


Anonymous said...

your life sounds like my life sometimes. holy frikin cow i totally feel you. last night i just got in a fight with my bf we almost broke up for almost the same problems. but i know no matter what, they're (family, bf, friends) only human i just look on the brightside like all the times there were there for me when no one else was. how even if they're mad they would still go to the ends of the earth for you. as much as my life sucks right now i'm so grateful that i have so many people who care about what happens to me. and i think you have a lot of people who care about you too. so keep ya chin up. ;)

vanillasmush said...

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Anonymous said...

sorry to hear about everything your going through. we all have those times where we feel like any lower and were going to just break down. when im at my lowest i always tell myself "bad days only promise good ones" and that "god won't put you through anything he knows you can't get through" take care hun and keep your head up.

Anonymous said...

hey... im sorry to hear about all this. youre such a sweetie. you know when im this upset i always write it down and it helps. When u wrote that part about friendship it felt like it was me who wrote it!! craaazy i too have gone thru the same thing. When i would fight my my boyfriend(huge fights) where u cant stop crying and u feel like shit after what they have made u feel u feel worthless u want someone to hold u or just talk to and i go thru my phonelist and its like OMG i cant call any of these people. Its sad!! its crazy how sometimes our moms are the best to talk too. sometimes tho its not a good idea to tell them "everything" about the fights because then they have a bad idea about them and a day later we're all lovey dovey with them again jejeje. Glad to see everythin is kinda back to normal. u remind me so much of myself. i too im always dieting worrying about my weight. and when i gain i feel like i dont even want to go out i feel like everyone is looking at my fat. in fact right now i feel like that ive gained around 7 pds in just 2 weeks. im a 5'0 and weigh 129 two weeks ago i was down to 122.. sucks but ill start the diet monday!! jejeje. Love ya girl

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